


Dollhouse

by orphan_account



Series: Cry Baby- Trans!Ryan, Ryden. [2]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Ryden, Trans Character, ryan ross is a lil sad trans boy and brendon dont know shit, ryden is real and the government knows it, sad ryro, trans!Ryan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 05:12:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4864370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan swallowed hard. God, was it so wrong to love your best friend? How many stereo types and cliches are going to apply to him by the time his life on earth is finished? He's a trans male who's still feminine, in love with his best friend, God knows how many gay stereo types he fits under.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dollhouse

Fuck the dresses in his closet. Fuck the bras. Fuck the skirts, the feminine tops. Why couldn't he do male sports, wear men's jeans, men's shirts? Grow some facial hair and cut his hair off? None of it was fair. Why should he have to compress his true self?

So he bought a full outfit from the men's department at JC Penny. He wanted to look like he was truly male. Facial hair sounded so lovely. Why couldn't he have the hormones?

Nothing felt right about all the 'lady business.' He bound his breasts in a binder, his chest lying nearly completely flat, and put on a white button up shirt. Over the shirt, he put on a red vest. He put on the boxers and pants. He looked in the mirror. This is who he was dying to be.

He grabbed brown eyeliner, marking his face. The faux facial hair didn't scratch like real scruff. But it made him feel good. It made him look like himself.

The unexpected happened when the door opened and Ryan jumped.   
"Holy fuck!"

Brendon stood there, confused. He was wearing his glasses and his hair was a mess.   
"What are you doing?" Brendon was just puzzled. Melanie didn't look like Melanie.

Ryan felt his heart beating in his throat, his eyes watering. "Dress up." What a pathetic excuse.

Brendon laughed, "really Mel? I thought you were too old for that stuff. Why are you dressed a boy?"

Ryan swallowed what felt like a ton of bricks, "because I wanted to see what I looked like." He was pouring sweat. Never had he ever been this vulnerable.

"It's not bad. The facial hairs cute." Brendon chuckled and sat on the bed. "The vest is nice. I like it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. How'd you get your boobs so flat?"

"Sports bra." Ryan was starting to relax as Brendon stood and inched closer to him. He felt a hand on his lower back, Brendon's breath hitting his face.

Brendon's hand was honestly quite distracting. Ryan couldn't focus on being embarrassed. "You look cute no matter how you're dressed and it's honestly intimidating." Brendon chuckled lightly. His hand was rubbing a circle on the small of the older boys back.

Ryan swallowed hard. God, was it so wrong to love your best friend? How many stereo types and cliches are going to apply to him by the time his life on earth is finished? He's a trans male who's still feminine, in love with his best friend, God knows how many gay stereo types he fits under.

"I'm intimidating?" Ryan spoke softly, "You're seriously the most intimidating person in my life."

Brendon cocked his eyebrow and smirked, "how's that?"

"How? I-I...I can hardly form words to you! You terrify me!"

"How do I terrify you, Melanie?"

Ouch. Ryan knew Brendon didn't know any better but he felt his confidence slide. Brendon really was intimidating.

He bit his chapped lip, feeling the skin crack and sting. "I shouldn't feel ninety nine percent of the things I do in general. Definitely the feelings towards you."

Brendon's face softened, "how am I supposed to take that?" Ryan didn't remember that Brendon's hand had been on him till it left.

"You don't know me. You don't know why I get the way I do and why I'm so scared to form proper ideas around you." Ryan's hands were shaking and his chest was pounding. "Around Spencer and Jon, too. I just- I'm not the girl you like."

Brendon scratched his cheek. "You're confusing me, Mel." He shifted back from Ryan, "I get that you're going through some phase right now, but you're not yourself."

"I'm trying to be, Bren. Believe me. You just won't like me." Ryan could feel his cheeks burning and his throat was tight. "Do you really think I look good like this?"

"I think you look good everyday, Melanie. Why are you so down on yourself, lately? Did someone say something?" 

Ryan shook his head and softly whispered, "Ryan."

Brendon's jaw tightened, "Who the fuck is Ryan? Did he hurt you?"

Ryan shook his head again, his heart leaping out his chest. "I like the name Ryan. This," He motioned to his body, "Is Ryan."

Brendon smiled, still slightly confused, "Well, hello, Ryan."

And he didn't know if Brendon knew what he meant, but it felt good to hear his true name off his lips.


End file.
